Being a wife, a mom of 4 kids 5 and under and a child care provider to 14 children each day is challenging enough. Then, when you throw curve balls in, it can be hard to catch your breath. I will get on to the harder times of December, but first let me highlight some good. I never in a million years could have dreamed of a life like I live. A great husband, amazing children, family that goes out of their way to make my life easier, a career that I DREAMED of....SO many gifts I have been given from the Lord above! I sat a few days back overwhelmed with joy and happiness. Over the 8 years Jasper and I have been together, there has been a lot of rough water to swim through. Financial stress, unexpected gifts of pregnancy, watching family change/move, so many different things. As I sit here, I am overwhelmed with emotion of all of the aspects of our lives. However, it has been so, so blessed. I sat in line at Target with a very full cart of clothes, toys, candy and other gifts for children that I don't even know, and at that moment I felt such joy! For the first year in a few years, Jasper and I were able to buy several toys for "toys for tots" picked a child from the "angel tree" and are able to help with donations of food and such. Honestly, nothing makes me happier than pleasing others and giving to those who need so desperately to be shown love and compassion. I am told often to relax and care about myself a little, however, to me I would so much rather give to all around me. If I can make even just ONE child love Christmas and see the joy and magic in it that normally would not be seen in their eyes, I call that a blessing! I sometimes feel that God put me on this earth to continually make others happy because that is what makes me happy. I am so thankful that the Lord has given me opportunity to make others smile! I am a lucky, blessed lady and all the glory to God!
On to a tougher subject, right now my mother is in the fight of her life. Since Monday morning she has been in Renown Hospital in Reno Nevada in the ICU fighting for her life. What should have been a "minor case of pneumonia" is much worse because like me, my mother chooses to give to everyone else and take care of herself last. She let it get so severe at home, that it is now a life threatening case and she is not doing well. Since Sunday night when I found out she was sick, I have sat and let my mind eat at me. Why have I not been there more? Does my mom know I love her? Have I been the daughter I should be? Have I let her down? So many questions and fears. I arrived in Reno with my best friend by my side to support me Monday night, I looked at my mom and had to fight back tears over the condition I saw her in. This was my mother, the strongest woman I had ever known, broke down to the weakest state. I held it all in. However when I showed up at her house and walked in her room to clean up for my dad and help do laundry and etc. I broke down at the thought of loosing my mom. In the day to day it is so easy to get caught up in life and think that you can do it all yourself. I (along with my father, sister and brother) were quickly reminded of just how much we depend on my mother to be the glue of this family! She has held us together since long before our time and I can't imagine my father having to survive without her. I spoke to my father tonight and he told me that she looks a little better and that the doctors are beginning to see slight improvement!! I am so blown away that a woman that has never been sick a day in her life, has never smoked, drank or done anything wrong can be hit with something so bad, but here she is fighting for life....Tonight, I ask ALL that are willing, to please pray for her healing. My husband came up with a great point tonight...He thinks that God used my mothers illness to make our family and others realize her worth and to respect her, cherish her, honor her more....Is that the case? Maybe we will never know, however I know that it has made me realize how precious time is. I will spend each day hugging my children more, calling my mama more (Once she can talk again) spending time with loved ones and just being happy!! Life is SO SO SO short and can change in the blink of an eye, I am being shown that right now.....Please everyone that reads this, cherish your time, it is so fleeting and it is not a dress rehearsal, we can't get it back. Do your best! Love till it hurts, laugh instead of crying, dance in the rain and smile when it hurts! I know I shouldn't preach because this week has pushed me so hard that I feel like a piece of string about to break, BUT in all that, I have still processed it all and learned a great deal. Love your life and live it as you can. I know I will because, THIS IS MY LIFE! PS...I love you mom, and can't wait to see you better!!!
