Giving me a smile after a long, hard day!

OK, OK...I am sounding somewhat like a broken record and my blog is pretty boring. Come to think of it, I am kind of a boring person. I bet even my diary was bored with me in my younger years!;) BUT...I have had yet another tough hill I have been climbing lately. Kind of letting myself have a pity party to be honest.
As usual there has been no real reason for my "feel sorry for myself" state...Just maybe tired, busy, I don't know. Anyways, you just never know when insecurity can be thrown at you. I believe I have mentioned this before but I will again. Women tell me all the time or even make jokes that I'm super mom, have it all together, try to be perfect, on and on and on. LET ME TELL YOU...That is far from the truth! To be honest, most days I feel inadequate, misjudged, belittled and sometimes even just plain defeated. Thankfully I have an amazing God (and an amazing husband too) that talk me back into realizing, I'm not all that bad and I do NOT have to be perfect. I can only be me and after all, God doesn't make mistakes, so for some reason, he wants me just as I am! Sometimes I just don't feel like I have that "group" I fit in. Recently I told Jasper that I am in DESPERATE need of a vacation without children (I have only had 2 nights kid free in 5 years) we decided that at least for the time being there is no way we can leave on a vacation together because no one can handle all 4 children for even 2 days.:( So, Jasper told me to book a trip for a weekend somewhere...problem is I really do not have a group of girlfriends to go with. So, that started my sad, pathetic nobody likes me spiral, then as anyone that spends their day with lots of young children knows, I can feel pretty defeated after a long day and honestly sometimes these children make me feel I am more a slave than a mom/child care provider. YES I know that it is an honor to be blessed with them and yes most days I thank the Lord above for all of my blessings, every now and then though, I just feel blah...Left out from the outside world, not important and small. It's funny how the very same children that can make me go crazy with chaos each day, can melt my heart the next second.. Daycare children included! Just today while I was reading our circle time story, in the middle of it one of my sweet daycare boys yelled out to me "I love you Miss Lindsay"...How could that not make me feel like I am doing something right! I always wanted to be a teacher but in ways, I think I am luckier to be doing what I am doing instead. I still get to "teach", I get to bring these children up in a home environment where they are not overwhelmed, I get to show them more love than I could in a school setting, set my own schedule and I get to spend every day with MY children! It seriously makes me sad for all of the parents that would love to spend the day with their babies and can't. Even though this job can be tougher than anyone might imagine, it's pretty amazing too! Some days make pretty tiring, cranky nights for me still....

THEN....Tonight, I looked at these sweet pictures as I uploaded the 4th of July pictures and it's as if God made sure I ended my night with these sweet faces in my mind. God my children are amazing and a true gift from God....I will never know why God found me worthy enough to raise these perfect, sweet and amazing angels BUT I will spend each day of my life trying to make Him proud of the job I am doing.

Peyton getting all checked out and cleared for kindergarten at her physical! Look out Franklin, here she comes!

Reagan...Oh sweet Reagan demanding I take her giggling picture while she told me "I'm a mom":)

OH my precious, precious Jordy! Almost 2 going on 5! Showing off her innocent smile and first ponytail!

My Mr. Man!! The other man in my life! Growing up way too fast!! Rolling all over and trying to scoot! WAY too young for this! Little Mr. is also 90% in weight! Football world here we come!!!;)