Yet another rambling session....

There comes a point in your life where things change. Life becomes real. You are forced to stand on your own two feet like a cat dropped off a two story building that some how lands on all 4 feet. For at least a few years now, I thought I had reached that point, but it was not until just recently, heck maybe today, that I realized I truly have. I have mentioned many times before that I am only human and very insecure at that. I pray each night for God's grace over the situation and pray that He gives me an understanding and patience and kindness that only He can offer in each and every situation I face in life. However I have had many times lately that I felt just plain alone. It's kind of like I told my MIL today as we had a great conversation...I am me, I can only be me, and I am not in a competition. I sometimes just feel like people hold me under a microscope and think I should be perfect and if I say it is hard they think well you thought you could do it! I have 4 AMAZING children (I mean REALLY amazing children:)) I have the love of the greatest man I have ever known, and a God that loves me more than I could ever even love my children, BUT life is hard. I have not had near as many struggles as most and I am very blessed. Life is still a stair climber none the less. I do not think any of us knows what we are in for when we start. Just tonight, my sweet little Peyton said to me as I stared in her eyes begging her not to turn 5 "mommy, I want to be grown up like you"....All I could say with tears in my eyes, is "please baby, don't say that, it will be here before you know it". I LOVE LOVE LOVE my life and through every up and down, it's AMAZING, and a gift but there are definitely nights I cry and say it's overwhelming because I just have such ridiculous high standards of myself. What hurts though, is when people say "well, you chose it." OF COURSE I DID!!!! It's amazing, and as any busy mama I know would say, of course I chose it, but it's exhausting!! I guess the point of this post is to tell all of those mama's out there that are exhausted, sleep deprived and feeling inadequate 90% of the time....YOU ROCK!!! Weather you are a single mama, a remarried mama or a happily married mama like myself with a husband that helps A LOT when he's home, you still have the weight of the world on your shoulders 24/7 (or at least the weight of a kindergartner, preschooler, toddler and infant like myself;)) SO give yourself a break, and understand that if dinner is not right at 6 or the kids shoes do not always match their outfit, or there are some cheerios on the floor of your car (peaches and cream muffin in my case thanks to Auntie Em;)) you are still doing amazing!!....Now if I can only take my own advice!

These beautiful little things...They are MINE! Ignore the sheer chaos of this picture, but again, that's my life!